Technology is a rather general term for everything helpful that’s ever happened. For early humans, technology came in the form of the wheel. Today our technology consists of creations that are just as smart as we are. With technology being as plentiful as it is, that leaves room for all kinds of inventions. So, while Wi-Fi and music-streaming services are as beautiful as flower petals on a still lake, there’s also a lot of technology that brings down the rest of the pack. These are the worst of the worst—the technology that flies, buzzes, beeps, and talks.
Now we won’t pretend that drones don’t do anything. In fact, many of your favorite television show’s aerial shots were filmed via drone. Drones can even help out with weather predictions and law enforcement officers. But drones are more than just helpful. They’re super annoying. Every wanna-be vlogger has got one of these strapped to his back. If you’ve ever been on the ground when a drone has taken flight, you’ll know that noise—like the flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz.
If that doesn’t sound bad, then just remember: one day, you’ll be accepting a pizza delivery from one of these abominations.
While having their uses, personal assistants—the robotic ones—can be a real pain in the core processor. The ability to send text messages and set alarms without pressing a button is efficient, you know, if it worked well. If your personal assistant isn’t sending a text full of typos and words that you never said, then she’s sassing you and telling you to “Say that again, I didn’t quite get that.” But they’re getting smarter. Personal assistants on your computer can learn about your interests and preferred music. Maybe that’s beneficial, but it gets awkward when your computer finds out that you secretly like chick flicks.
We’re not referring to those Japanese bathrooms where everything talks to you and there’s a laser lightshow in the toilet bowl. That’s not aggravating. That’s just useless. We’re talking about those bathrooms where everything is covered with a sensor bar. Either the toilet flushes prematurely leaving you in the splash zone, or it never flushes at all, which means you have to do that bobbing dance in front of the sensor bar until it wakes up. But touchless bathrooms also mean that the sinks are a mess. If you want the sensor bar to work and stay working, then you’ve essentially got to press your hands up against the side of the sink. So now, is it really a touchless bathroom anymore? We don’t think so. We think it’s a big lie covered in sensor bars.
These little gems are as helpful as they are conniving. Being pushed and congratulated on healthy habits is the great part about these little bracelets, but they’re also bullies. If you haven’t reached your daily step goal, you’ll feel an emptiness that is only filled when your fitness tracker praises you for achieving your step goal. When you don’t fall asleep on time, they’ll tell you. When you don’t work out, they’ll remind you. When you don’t seek their praise, they’ll know. With that said, fitness trackers might be so helpful for these reasons. They’re a lot like high school gym teachers. They’re terrible, but come hell or high water, you’re running that track even if you’ve broken both your legs.
These little ear pieces are luckily going out of style, but that just means that they’re that much more annoying. They attack when you least expect it. We’ve all been in this situation: someone says hello, and then you reply and get into a weird conversation with someone before they shoot you the craziest look. And that’s when you realize that they’re on a phone call and you’re an idiot. What happens next is up to you. We recommend you go hide under your bed covers. It’s not your fault though. People who aren’t international spies shouldn’t be able to purchase Bluetooth ear pieces.
Technology is one of the greatest things about life in the twenty-first century. We’re a new, digital generation and our reliance and innovations in technology is expanding every day. It’s for better or for worse. Technology is usually helpful, but you know what they say: Some days you’re the windshield and some days you’re the drone.