It’s that time of the year again – time to find your old address book and send some snail mail in the name of holidays. Whether you’re celebrating Hannakuh, Christmas, Kwanzaa, or some variation on the generic spirit of the time or a Pagan holiday or whatever, you might consider sending someone a red envelope with a family holiday card stuffed inside, or a fun little note to say, “Hey, I’m thinking about you during this time of the year.
” It’s safe to say, though, that the typical holiday cards just aren’t cutting it anymore. Everyone expects funny, clever, or witty.
Save yourself the trouble of being original and pluck one of these ideas from the collective consciousness! Click ‘Start Slideshow‘ to find the funniest holiday cards yet!
Me and This Chicken
Being single in a family full of taken siblings can be hard. How many times have you, the only single one out of you heard, “So, why are you still single?” And does it translate to, “What’s wrong with you, anyway?” You know your family means well, but still, can they just shut up about it already? Bridget is one of five siblings, and three of them are sisters. All of them, including her one brother is married.
Bridget isn’t. Like so many siblings and their significant others, they all started making Christmas cards to send out, so Bridget decided to do the same. Only difference is, she poses with things like a chicken instead of a significant other. There’s also usually a bottle of something hard to get her through it all. Pfft. Rock it, Bridget. You own that single life!
The holidays are such a weird time now. Political correctness has gotten way out of hand, according to some people. Others say the sensitivity was severely lacking and we’re getting better now. But tell me why anyone would be offended to hear someone say, “Happy Hanukkah!” or “Merry Christmas!” anyway? You don’t have to celebrate that particular holiday to be thankful that someone is wishing you good cheer.
However, to keep it totally safe in work-related situations, you might get a card like this that sort of covers all the bases and doesn’t make it about anything except the season. Because we all enjoy a little winter ritual, right? I think? I can’t say I recognize every single symbol on the bottom of the card, but you know what? You do you, work place human resources department! (What about just “Happy Holidays”?)
A Little Santa Humor
You know how the song goes. “He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice … ” Because you know, Santa needs to make sure all the good little girls and boys were actually nice and not naughty. I can’t say I ever considered Santa in the bedroom, but this is likely what Mrs. Claus expects. A cheeky Santa. It gives a whole new meaning to “Santa Claus is Coming to Town,” am I right? I mean, the whole Santa thing is just ripe for jokes.
Why does Santa have so many gardens? So, he can “ho, ho, ho!” Do you know who Santa’s favorite singer is? Elf-is Presley! Have you ever wondered why Santa is always so jolly? He knows where all the naughty girls live. Oh, and what do you call people who are afraid of Santa? Claustrophobic! Man, get on these greeting card ideas, guys. If I could draw, I’d do it!
We Can Explain
The whole idea that Santa Claus can see and hear everything we do is a little unnerving, right? I guess it’s a good way to keep kids in line around the holidays, though. So, when the gentiles are acting up, you can just remind them that Santa can see you when your sleeping, and he’s checking his list – twice, even! But we all kinda screw up here and there. Which is why this whole “Dear Santa, we can explain” theme is just perfect, and super adorable.
Even Mom and Dad got into the whole spirit of being bad. My only questions are, what did they all do, and how will they manage to explain it all? Can you negotiate with Santa? Do you get less good gifts? Or is it automatically coal in everyone’s stocking? I think I’ll just be good.
Current Relationship Status: Emily
One of the most popular and newest traditions is for all the grown kids to get together for a family photo. It’s a way to sort of announce to extended family what’s going on with all the kids and their significant others. In the case of the Seawright family, the parental figures were excited, so they held a sign that says it. Why were they excited? Well, one of their daughters is standing there with her fiancé, and they’re engaged – so they have a sign that says it!
Another daughter and her husband are expecting a new baby, and guess what? Sign that says “expecting.” And then there’s Emily. And Emily is, well, Emily. The tweet she sent out with this photo went viral because this was just so relatable. Men and women everywhere tweeted back, like, same, Emily, same.
Do you know someone who has the Food Network on 24/7 and is constantly eating at only the best, most underground and hipster restaurants ever? Do they take three days to make a meatloaf? Frankly, that’s the best way to do it. You need all kinds of umami to really make a great meatloaf. Seriously, check out J. Kenji Lopez-Alt’s recipe – the guy from Serious Eats – it’s worth the effort. But I digress. Your foodie friends will love this holiday card because it’s like you’re reading their minds.
What else could people have meant by “Season’s Greetings,” anyway? Except in addition to salt and pepper, I’d probably add like, cumin or chili powder, but paprika works, too. Anyway, make fun of your foodie friends, go for it, but you know their house is the best place for the holiday dinners. Right?
Family Christmas Card Tradition
So, you know those Christmas cards that families take, and they try to be funny with them? Like, they’ll all wear ugly sweaters, or they’ll dress up all ’70s style or something and make it ironic or something. Well, the Power family have upped the ante. Illustrator, designer, and makeup artist, and occasional drag queen Andrew Power tasked his family with getting creative every holiday season for their annual Christmas card.
I mean, they’ve done the Christmas sweater thing, but they’ve also gone weird with an alien-lobster theme, and then there’s this one. It could only be described as white trash glory, right? You’ve got the beauty queen sister, pregnant mom with a glass of wine and a cigarette in hand, and a dad that’s slightly cross-eyed cradling his pet pig. Oh, but the Power family didn’t stop there. Oh, no.
The Power family has been doing this for years, and Andrew Power seems to only get better and more creative. One of the favorites of those who follow the artist on Instagram and Facebook went nuts for this one, in which his whole family got involved in one of his pastimes. No, they didn’t all join in on some graphic design or illustrations. Everyone went all out and all in for some heavy drag.
Mom, Dad, sister, and Andrew Power all donned wigs, dresses, and some intense makeup and they all pulled off the look awesomely. Can you tell which is which? I mean, with that jawline, it’s pretty obvious who Mom is there, but I kind of had a hard time telling between the sister and brother. Nice work, Power family! I can’t wait to see the future holiday cards.
So, technically the phrase “good will toward men” is from a Bible verse. It’s from Luke 2:14, and in the King James version, it’s “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.” But the phrase has taken on a bit of a secular meaning, and it’s just sort of an all-around saying that is sort of a holiday greeting. Even if you aren’t particularly religious, it’s a nice thing to wish upon someone.
But, frankly, we all know a Dave who doesn’t deserve any kind of good will wish, am I right? Which makes this a perfect holiday card for everyone and all the Daves, Davids, and Davies in their lives. Because good will to all men – except Dave. Jeez, Dave. Get it together. You’d think by now you’d be a little more good will-worthy.
Gen Xers & Hanukkah
OK, so Hanukkah isn’t the biggest Jewish holiday ever. I mean, it’s no Yom Kippur, and it’s sort of considered a little kids’ kind of holiday. But still. Dreidels are so much fun, no matter how old you are. If you celebrate or you know someone who celebrates the eight days of Hanukkah at all, this card would be much appreciated. Especially if that someone you know is also around 40 or 50 years old because they’re right around the right age to get this joke.
That or the young ones you know are ironically listening to ’80s much and love one-hit wonders like Dead or Alive. Man, that hair. Do you remember that hair? I’m showing my age, aren’t I? “You spin me right round, baby, right round like a record, baby.” Who doesn’t love the irreverent ’80s and a dreidel?
For British Eyes Only
You don’t have to be British for this card, but it helps. Only because most Americans won’t get what this card means. OK, that’s not fair. I’ve seen crackers in the stores this year. If you’re Australian, Canadian, or lived in New Zealand or South Africa, you might get what this means, too. And what do they all have in common? That’s right – British rule! Haha, OK. So, a Christmas cracker is a bit like a present, but the gift inside is usually some little trinket or joke or paper hat.
The wrapping paper is tightly wrapped at both ends and it kind of looks like an oversized piece of candy. The tradition is to have two people pull on either end until it pops open – and it usually makes a bang sound. And now you should get the joke! And you should get crackers, too. They’re fun.
Um, Merry Christmas and Stuff
You know when you really like someone, but you’re kind of shy, and what ends up happening is you’re just this big ball of nerves and anxiety and you just keep talking, like there’s no end to the sentence you’re saying or the question you’re asking? Yeah, like it’s a run-on sentence and you just have no idea when you should stop talking because if you stop talking then your crush might then react and oh my goodness, how are you supposed to react to that?
Anyway, yeah, this is the card for you. It’s one of the best ways to show that you totally like a person, but not too much because that might be a little too much, you know? And you don’t want to scare them off or anything. So, you know, enjoy the card. And happy holidays and stuff. OK. Bye.
As the story goes, one day, Mary just woke up and was preggers with the Lord and Savior. It was a miracle. Except to skeptics. If you’re a believer, just keep moving on down the list. This one isn’t for you. Go on then. To those of you who might be like, uhhh … how likely is immaculate conception? Impossible? Yeeeeah. Then this one’s for you. Like, my mother told me that I was an immaculate conception.
I won’t go into details, but after I heard the story, I was like, “Yeah, mom, that’s called a splash pregnancy.” Anyway, I love this card. It made me laugh out loud. Literally. Maybe don’t send it to your Christian friends unless they have a really good sense of humor. Otherwise, you might not be invited back to next year’s Christmas dinner – unless that’s your plan.
Socks … Again?
Not to sound ungrateful or anything, but seriously, how many pairs of socks do you need in your life? For me, it was lighthouses. I mention that I like a lighthouse one time and that’s all I got for six years of Christmases. I have other likes and hobbies and wants, you know? It’s like my family didn’t get me at all. Sound familiar?
Yeah. We’ve all been through it. You could pick up a couple dozen of these cards, send them to all your friends and probably siblings, and they’ll likely all tweet, post on Instagram, or text a pic of the card and one word with it: “Same.” Um, you might want to find another card for your parents, though. It’s not like you’re ungrateful, but it would be nice if they just got you for once, right?
A Brutally Honest Holiday
Look, Santa sees you when you’re sleeping, and he knows when you’re awake. He knows if you’ve been bad or good, so, I mean, you could do your best to be good, but we all have those secret dark thoughts. Like, we totally want our friends to find love and the career of their dreams and be happy forever and ever – as long as it’s slightly less than what we have. Is this a version of “Keeping up with the Joneses”?
I mean, is everything in life a competition? Yes. Yes, it is. Hell, gift-giving is a blood sport for me. What’s the budget? $100? Pfft. I’m spending three times that or more. You got me three gifts? That’s so sweet – here are five for you from me! Sure, you get more out of it, but I’m way more generous. So, I win Christmas.
What’s the best thing about the holidays? Is it the clothes? The decorations? The drinks? Or the music? Who doesn’t love hearing “Silver Bells” while they’re out shopping for friends and family? The classics always make us a little happier, a little more generous, and a little nicer. But when you start hearing the same songs over and over again, they start to lose their appeal.
You love Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You” and she loves that it continues to make her about $500,000 every year in royalties, but how often is too often? Wham’s “Last Christmas” is such a great holiday song, but when you reach the threshold of “OMG If I hear that song one more time … ” then no one around you is going to have a happy holiday. Which is why this is probably the greatest Christmas card ever written.
Forcing That Holiday Spirit
You think 1978 was full of Star Wars mania? Ever since Disney bought the franchise and started putting out really great sequels, the love for the films is back – and in full force. Ha! See what I did there? So, there may have been a time when Star Wars themed cards and gifts was passé, but no longer! You can bust out your original trilogy stuff and totally be the coolest guy on the block again.
Plus, the newest characters are actually cool. Not like the prequel characters. Man, prequels need to just be buried or remade. When’s the last time you heard someone say a movie or trilogy should be remade? Anyway, this is a great card for almost anyone in your family. Everyone gets Star Wars humor, and old or young, it’s a universally loved theme. Unless you’re like, Star Trek only.
A Little Political Humor
Sure, this card might end up a little dated at some point, but who’s going to forget the Trump and Russia connection? Sorry, alleged connection. Ahem. For those who aren’t following the news, or who are reading this long after our version of Rome fell, I’ll catch you up. The 45th president of the United States, Donald Trump, has been accused of having ties and help from Russia to get elected.
The evidence isn’t looking great for him, and there’s likely going to be some sort of fallout, but probably not for him. Because only the good die young. Is my political leaning showing? OK, but regardless of your stance, this is funny, right? Even funnier would be to buy this card for your super right-wing nut of an uncle or grandfather and send it! I wonder if he’d get it?
As Americans mourn the democracy they used to know and love, you could remind them of what better days were like – at least for your liberal friends, right? Rather than point out how much nicer things would be if we had a prime minister like Justin Trudeau, you could just remember the president of Christmases past: Barack Obama. Oh, and there’s no war on Christmas, by the way. Although Trump tries to say he’s bringing back “Merry Christmas,” the thing is, it never left.
Obama totally said, “Merry Christmas” many times. “A very, very Merry Christmas, and a holiday filled with joy!” That was from Obama. And he never stopped saying it – he just also said “Happy Holidays” and “Happy Kwanzaa” and “Mele Kalikimaka” because, you know, he’s Hawaiian. Stop right there, truthers. It’s the holidays, ahem, Christmas, and we don’t need any of your stuff right now.
We all have one of those friends who adds a hashtag to, like, every tweet, Instagram post, and even Facebook post (even before Facebook recognized hashtags). The one hashtag that might have inspired more eyerolls than ever, though, has to be #blessed. It’s used for everything from the girl who has a good hair day to the parent whose kid was on a football team that was ranked first in their region.
It’s even been used by someone whose final fantasy game got a new quarterback. And then there are those that use it that actually makes sense, like, when it relates to actually being blessed or something. I mean, this might be the only true sense of the word on a Christmas card. You know, if you swing that way religiously. Because Jesus and saving of souls and stuff. #blessed.
Parks & Rec’ed
One of the greatest bits to come from the TV show Parks and Recreation has to be the “Treat. Yo. Self.” thing from two of Pawnee’s most beloved city employees. You can find t-shirts, coffee mugs, keychains, framed artwork, bags, phone cases, and jewelry with the popular pop culture phrase on ’em. And now, you can get holiday cards that remind people to take a little time to treat themselves and take care of themselves.
It’s important. Of course, because it’s the holidays and that means you have to add a bit of a Christmas pun to something, it’s “Treat Yo’ Elf.” Adorbs. But seriously, take it from Tom: You’ve gotta treat yo’ self before you wreck yo’ self. I know that’s not how it goes, but the sentiment is the same! Get a massage or something, or buy something nice for yourself.
Imma Let You Celebrate …
Speaking of pop culture, who can forget that time that Kanye West … actually, you can fill that last bit in with anything. The successful rapper and producer is known for doing all sorts of crazy public stunts. And there may not be another more self-centered artist out there right now. Not that it’s currently deserved, though – did you listen to Life of Pablo because no.
Like, it’s not just unfinished, it just needed to be scrapped and redone totally. I mean, it’s no 808s and Heartbreak. Anyway, Kanye probably wants you to enjoy the holidays and have a Merry Christmas, but he mostly wants it for himself. So, he’s probably totes down with jacking your Christmas card here and assuming that the good wishes are for him. I’d agree – if it were still 2008 and he was making good music, that is.
Winter is Coming
This one seems like a no-brainer, but still, it’s probably a popular Christmas card idea. Besides, the “winter is coming” bit is probably a bit worn out. I can’t say whether this is still relevant or not because doesn’t everyone die in Game of Thrones? Or do they come back to life eventually? I don’t know. It’s basically a soap opera, but with lots of sex, nudity, and violence, right?
So, there are probably some siblings sleeping together, and people die one season, only to come back the next season. How close am I to getting this right? The two things I definitely know is that Jon Snow knows nothing, and one of the characters is a dragon. Right? Anyway, this would be a great holiday card for your friends who love Game of Thrones. That’s everyone, right? I think I’m the only one not watching.
Happy Generic Whatever
One of the biggest problems I have when sending out holiday cards is remember what everyone celebrates. Like, I don’t want to be that guy who wishes my gentile friends a Happy Hanukkah and my friends who are lighting menorahs a Merry Christmas. Jeez, that’d be embarrassing. I could save all of those headaches and potential major social faux pas by just giving everyone this card. It looks festive enough, and it covers all the bases.
A super generic wish for a happy whatever the heck it is that you celebrate! And I’d say it in the nicest possible way, like with flowers all around it, and with pretty calligraphy. And everyone would be happy. Now the only thing I have to figure out is what everyone eats or doesn’t eat, and whether I’d be offending someone by serving egg nog with brandy.
It’s My Gift in a Box!
OK, so that’s not quite how the song goes, but this is a PG-rated bit, so you’re going to have to fill in with the real word there yourself. If you’re familiar with the song that debuted on Saturday Night Live and starred Justin Timberlake in the skit, then you know it’s not his “gift” in a box. Though, some would say it’s totally a gift. Ha! Anyway, props to the artist for this little card.
It’s a card you could give anyone, unless they’re offended by … gifts. I’m doing the shifty-eye thing right now. Seriously, go look up The Lonely Island and the song. It’s kind of amazing. And if you don’t laugh, well, I hope someone helps you unScrooge this holiday season! After that, look up Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping – it’s hilarious, and a commentary on today’s pop scene.
What is It About Llamas?
Seriously, though. Llamas are everywhere lately. They’re on ugly Christmas sweaters, this Hanukkah sweater, and stitched on pillows galore. The trend popped up in the summer and has carried on through the winter. The llama is totally the new unicorn. Will we maybe see it as a Starbucks drink? I wouldn’t be surprised. It kind of makes sense, actually. Llamas are adorable, but they’re a bit more down-to-earth and muted compared to the bright colors and ridiculousness of unicorns.
Llamas for everyone! So, if you fancy yourself a trendsetter or trend-follower, you may as well pick up a bunch of these for your friends who celebrate Hanukkah and show you’re spot-on with the trend. Oh, you can also find those outdoor inflatables for your home, or the lighted ones, you know, like the deer and trees that people put on their lawns?
Is Grandma OK?
This one might be my favorite of them all. You know how the song goes, right? Sing along with me! “Grandma got run over by a reindeer/ Walking home from our house Christmas eve/ You can say there’s no such thing as Santa/ But as for me and Grandpa, we believe!” The story in the song really only tells one side of things – from the family’s point of view. I can’t imagine how freaked out that reindeer must’ve been!
This card is going to at least bring a smile to someone’s face. It made me literally laugh out loud. Poor grandma, yes, but also, that poor reindeer. Like, there’s got to be a ton of guilt he’s feeling for that night! Anyway, this card would be a fun little way to say Happy Holidays or Merry Christmas to your loved ones – regardless of political correctness.